Disturbing Content
by RandomYuuProductions
Summary: Haruhi the wrong gender? Kyou-chan in a dress? Mori works behind the counter? At Victoria's Secret! Everything you knew about the Host Club… so disturbed you can't even tell right from left. Warning: Complete and total crack. Now a type of self-insert.
1. In Which Kyouya is a Sexy Beast

**Title**

**Print: Randomness-is-Awsomeness (Emma)**

_**Italics: YuuYuu-chan (Katie)**_

**Underlined: undefined (not a member on fanfic)**

**A/N- Okay, this is another random story me and YuuYuu-chan randomly wrote. This time, the two of us had gotten together at another one of our friends' house. It was written at four in the morning because YuuYuu-chan and I couldn't sleep for the life us and we were bored. Eventually, the undefined friend woke up and she joined in. We passed the paper around in a circle, each adding to the story with no idea how it would turn out. We didn't get to finish it because we fell asleep, but YuuYuu-chan and I continued it a few weeks later. When you see , that's when we fell asleep. Everything after that is the continuation (which was written while we were unbelievably bored. So that's probably also going to sound ridiculous).**

**WARNING- this fic has mild language and quite a bit of sexual content, including the mention of sex change, being gay, and many other things, along with the mention of lemons. And it's very OOC.**

**SO HERE WE GO!**

One day, Tamaki decided that Haruhi was the wrong gender. _He would much prefer if she was male, like Kyouya._ However, Kyouya had already found the one person he loved more than anyone: himself. _Every day in the mirror, he would gaze at himself and think…_

"No wonder why Tamaki tried to hump me yesterday. I'm HOT!"

_Haruhi was not amused. _But she couldn't help that she wished SHE was the one being humped.

_Maybe she should consider that gender-change Tamaki was talking about._

This was a random thought, so she randomly turned to the person sitting next to her, who happened to be the innocent Honey, and asked "Do you think I would look hot with a penis?"

_Honey licked his lips. "Oh, I don't know sweet cakes. How about we find out?"_

"Ok!" she replied.

"_Tamaki!" Haruhi exclaimed as said prince strutted up in all his fine, princely glory. "What is it my darling daughter?"_

"Why do I have to be your daughter? Why not your wife? What's wrong with me being your girlfriend? Hell, I'll even be your hooker!" she yelled before running out of the room with tears streaming down her face.

"PMS much?" Tamaki muttered as she ran out.

_But suddenly, Tamaki felt as if time had all stopped, like the meanings of life had all been answered._

He realized that it was time for him to propose to Kyouya. Being friends was now impossible. Their feelings were much too strong to hold back. Well, Tamaki's were, at least.

_While Tamaki rushed to get a ring, Kyouya was busy counting bills as we speak._

While looking through them, he finally found the answer to a problem that wouldn't leave him alone all day. He finally remembered the number to the newest Victoria's Secret!

_He could finally buy that new pair of lingerie for himself that was on sale. It had the cutest, little frills! _And he couldn't WAIT to get Brittany Spears newest scent of perfume. He just couldn't stand regular cologne. It made him feel manlier, _and he most certainly wanted to feel anything but. For what reason we do not know, but Kyouya will be Kyouya. And Kyouya is anything but manly._

That's why he KNEW he had to get that new dress he saw Taylor Swift wearing. It was GORGEOUS! He tried it and it fit his girly figure perfectly_. It was a small price to pay; one thousand forty three dollar was nothing to a rich, gay, and narcissistic man._ And NO ONE refuses a rich GAY man of anything. Be it lovers or over-obsessive Taylor Swift items, he always got it. He couldn't possibly see why ANYONE wouldn't love him. In fact, if it was legal, he would propose to himself and reply "YES!" in a very girly shriek. But unfortunately, that wasn't possible. He was stuck with Kyouga, the bitch that she is.

_Kyouya paused. Who was Kyouya again? Who said anything about 'she'?_

And then he remembered what he had originally meant to do: he was on his way to get a gender change. He is going to exchange his penis and broad chest for a vagina and two beautiful breasts.

_While in the waiting room for surgery, he spotted a familiar boy-looking girl nervously poling her fingers together. "What is Haruhi doing here?" _He quickly pushed the thought and instead started to think about how pretty he was finally going to be_._

But then he realized that he could never be prettier. He only wanted the gender-change so that he could have the result of his and Tamaki's love running all around the house. But just then, an image of little kids breaking his beauty kit completely destroyed the possibility of children in his house. EVER! _He quickly walked out the front door, calling in to cancel his appointment. "Oh well," he said. _He instead went on another shopping spree and bought shoes and a purse to match the dress he got.

When he saw himself in the mirror, he KNEW that Zack Effron would be so jealous if he was to see him at that moment, due to how sexy he was and how he would instantly get a boner.

_In fact, he could feel one coming on right now due to his reflection. _He enjoyed the feeling so much he did the chicken dance.

Therefore, he didn't care how much it cost (he still wouldn't have cared, though). He was buying that dress. But he didn't expect it to be Mori working at the cash register. With one look at his item, he blushed and uncomfortably shifted. It was obvious that Mori was somehow turned on by just the thought. And that turned Kyouya on.

"_Your place or mine?" Mori asked in what he KNEW was a seductive voice. _

"Why don't we do it right now?" Kyouya suggested.

Mori looked down at his watch. "I should have time before doing- I mean visiting Honey.Let's go."

_Before you could blink, they were crammed into the dressing rooms _and started doing it when Honey walked in.

After a few seconds of shocked silence, Honey said, "I had a dream about this a few nights ago. I hated it when I woke up. We were getting to the good part!"

_Kyouya smirked. "Want to join?"_

Honey excitedly jumped up and down while clapping his hands. But once he had calmed down a bit, he asked, "Can I call some of my other friends so I can see if they want to join?"

_Mori bent down to Honey's level and replied, "If that is what you wish, master."_

Honey gasped. "You talked! You actually said something! Are you feeling okay?"

_Kyouya also gasped. Mori's voice was so much sexier than he expected. The deep tones went perfectly with his manly exterior. _

Before anyone could even blink, Kyouya was pinning Mori to the floor and ravishing him as if he was starving and Mori was an all-you-could-eat buffet.

_To say Mori was surprised would be and understatement. Honey inwardly smirked in success and casually slipped out of the dressing room._

As Honey shut the door he unexpectedly ran into what felt like a hard wall, making him fall onto the floor. When he looked up at who he ran into, he found that it was the bitchy Kyouga.

_She looked at Honey, appalled. Hearing a bang from inside the dressing room, her eyes widened._

"_What on earth was that sound?" She tried to peek around Honey but he kept moving in her way._

After several failed attempts of Kyouga trying to get past Honey, he found himself becoming desperate to get rid of her so that Mori-senpai and Kyouya could fuck in peace. Hoping his idea would work, he stood on his tiptoes, grabbed the collar of her shirt, and forced their lips together.

_Kyouga let out a muffled squeal. Honey took advantage of the situation and forced his tongue into her mouth._

She struggled against the small boy. Well, she was pretending, at least. She could easily over-power him, but she was enjoying it too much. But she knew if she let him know she liked what he was doing, she would become the biggest slut in all of Ouran High.

'_But would that really be so bad?' she thought. 'I could get a good fuck anytime I want.'_

Once she came to that realization, Honey found himself pushed against the wall. One hand was sneaking up his shirt and the other one pulling his jeans off. He hadn't expected her to get turned on, but he also hadn't thought he would get turned on, too.

He had never had sex with a girl. He only ever had sex with other boys. But he decided that when he was done with this hot bitch, he would sit down and straighten out his priorities.

_And so they fucked right OUTSIDE the dressing rooms, where everyone could see them. If it wasn't for those security guards, we don't know if those kids' parents would have been happy with all those medical bills they would have to pay for their children's many therapy sessions._

The two were handcuffed and led to two separate police cars. As they were pulled away from each other, they looked over their shoulders and dramatically called each other's names and promised to love each other forever. They tried to do this in slow motion for dramatic effect, but the police wouldn't let them.

_After that little episode was over (and the release fine was paid) they continued what they were doing when they were so rudely interrupted in a much safer place. This happened to be the alleyway behind McDonald's._

Well, they started in the alleyway. But once the stray Rottweiler tried to join in, they decided to try the dressing room in the store next to the one that still had Kyouya and Mori fucking in it.

_Speaking of Mori and Kyouya, Kyouya's phone rang. "Damn it, Tamaki!" Picking up the phone, he answered, "What is it, Tamaki?"_

"MARRY ME! I BEG OF YOU!" Kyouya threw the phone at the wall. He was disgusted. How could Tamaki propose to himself before he did? There was only one thing left to do. His only choice was suicide. He suddenly reached to grab his pants off the floor and grabbed the gun he always secretly carried with him. He pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger. The security guards ran in at the sound, and when they saw Kyouya's lifeless body, they immediately looked at Mori. But Mori decided that nothing was worth the publicity and drama that would come with Kyouya's suicide, not even life. So he also grabbed the gun and killed himself, too. They lived happily forever after in the burning pits of gay hell.

TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT CHAPTER

**ENDING NOTE FROM RANDOMNESS-IS-AWSOMENESS: It took me forever to type this. I just couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous this is. And if you're wondering if we were also on crack at this time, I honestly don't blame you. But I hope it's not too terribly bad. It's just stupidly ridiculous. **

**ENDING NOTE FROM YUUYUU-CHAN: Well, Random-chan already covered the crack part already, so I guess I'll just…uh… sit here…yeah. We worked really hard on this (totally lying through my teeth), so I hope you enjoyed this crack…thing. **

**ENDING NOTE FROM UNDEFINED: No one told me we were posting this until Random-chan asked me to write this note thing. If I had know this would have been posted, I wouldn't have had anything to do with it in the first place. (lol)**


	2. Hell Hole

Print: Randomness-is-Awsomeness (Emma)

_Italics: YuuYuu-chan (Katie)_

**A/N- Well, here is the second chapter. It came out a whole lot faster than we thought it would. This one was done by texting, just like the last half of the first chapter was. Our other undefined friend wasn't able to join in with us this time. Or, that may be because she really didn't want to… and I don't really blame her. Anyways, R&R, subscribe, favorite, or whatever you want. Just let us know how you felt about this! By the way, I should probably mention that we have no idea who the hell Kyouga is. She's just a random character. And we own nothing but the plot (can you really call it a plot, though?) **

**WARNING: this fic has mild language and quite a bit of sexual content, including the mention of sex change, being gay, and many other things, which we mean absolutely no offense by. And it's very OOC.**

_One day, Satoshi decided it was finally time to visit his brother's grave. _But when he finally arrived at the cemetery, he could only find Kyouya's grave. Mori's was nowhere in sight.

"_Where's Takashi's grave? Don't tell me they moved his GRAVE?" After a quick, momentary freak out, Satoshi realized the graves were in alphabetical order._

He went down the rows of graves and looked one by one. Not looking at anything besides the graves, he didn't see the other person visiting Mori's grave. He therefore ran straight into an unsuspecting person.

"_What the-" To say Satoshi was surprised would be an understatement._

"What the hell was that for? Why don't you watch where you're going?" Haruhi's father scolded. He was wearing the usual dress he was required to wear for work.

"_Eh! Aren't you Haruhi's papa? What are you doing here?" Satoshi asked. Haruhi's papa glared at the grave. _

"_We have unfinished business."_

"Excuse me, but he is dead. DEAD. Do you understand the term 'rest in peace'? Damn, poor people are just so STUPID! Who else could possibly think that instant food and beverages taste GOOD? Damn fucking idiots…"

_Ranka was horrified, to say the least. This 'innocent young one' swearing like a sailor? It did NOT sit well with him. Grabbing a bar of soap from his purse, he grabbed Satoshi by the collar._

"How dare you abuse uppercase letters in such a vulgar fashion?"

_Shoving the bar of soap into Satoshi's mouth, he began scrubbing. Satoshi struggled._

In the middle of the epic struggle between what's right and the abuse of unimportant letters, a random Chinese person popped out of the ground with a shovel in his hand.

"_It's true! You can get to America from China if you just dig deep enough!" The Chinese man looked upon everything with wonder until his gaze fell on the two JAPANESE… umm… men staring blankly at him. Satoshi groaned. _

"_Not another one… THIS ISN'T AMERICA, YOU IDIOT! IT'S JAPAN!" Satoshi yelled at the random Chinese dude._

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO ABUSE UPPERCASE LETTERS!" Ranka yelled at Satoshi as he grabbed the shovel from the Chinese man and started chasing him all over the cemetery.

_The Chinese man gaped at the crazy… man chasing the young boy around with the shovel. _

"_I knew Americans were crazy, but not THIS wacked!"_

Right after he said that, an American girl with short blonde hair and small blue eyes popped out of another hole with a shovel in her hand. Her name was Randomness-is-Awsomeness.

"Who are you calling crazy, you asshole?"

_Another girl with medium length, dark brown hair and blue eyes popped out of the hole. _

"_Ne, Ranom-chan, did we make it to China?" _

"Well, Yuu-chan, I believe we did. But I knew we should have listened to the news! The Chinese just want to take us over and watch one of the greatest nations the world has ever seen crumble to the ground!"

"_You sound like America…" YuuYuu-chan mumbled._

"Hey, this is an OHSHC fic, not a Hetalia fic! By the way, we should probably go back. We still need to work on our Death Note Fic. And we need to decide if we want it to be serious or a crack (A/N- look at Randomness-is-Awsomeness' ending note for details)," Random-chan replied.

"_We should." Yuu-chan waved at the startled Chinese man._

"_Bye, Yao."_

"Yeah, bye."

The two American girls that randomly appeared and had weird names disappeared into their tunnels. The stunned Chinese man slipped and fell down his hole. You could hear his terrified screams and the whistling of air passing him by slowly fade as he fell deeper and deeper into the tunnel.

"_Oof!" Why was it so hot? The Chinese man looked at his surroundings. _

"_This isn't China…" That is, if the flames were any indication to that._

The Chinese man rubbed the butt he fell flat onto as he looked around. He was surrounded by all Americans.

"I knew it! They are nuts!"

He could only find two Japanese men in the whole mix. Kyouya and Mori ran up to the Chinese man and looked up the hole he had fallen through. It was slowly closing up, so the two took one last look at each other before jumping and grabbing at the edge of the hole, slowly dragging themselves up with their dirty fingernails.

_Meanwhile, Satoshi and Ranka were staring down the hole. They gasped as the hole slowly began to close. They gasped as dirty fingernails ripped through the surface._

Before the two could comprehend what was going on, Kyouya and Mori were out of the hole and happily dancing to nonexistent background music. Satoshi quickly grabbed his phone and dialed Haruhi's number.

"Haruhi, Kyouya and Mori are back!" he said.

"NO! NOW I'LL NEVER GET A CHANCE WITH TAMAKI!"

_Due to the extra testosterone added to her body, Haruhi's voice had become deeper, but right then and there (s)he sounded like her old self again._

Suddenly Haruhi came running up to them faster than humanly possible, carrying her dad's huge makeup kit and started chasing Kyouya around with it. _Kyouya screamed, Mori laughed, and everyone paused._

Finally, after a few awkward moments, Kyouya finally said what was running through everyone's minds.

"I'm not the one who's going to tell Honey and Kyouga of this. They do some weird things in their cell."

_Everyone cringed. It was the sixth time Honey and Kyouga had gotten sent to jail for PDA. Now one of them would have to go tell Honey of Mori's return and loss of mind, or there would be certain consequences when Honey got out of jail._

Everyone began looking around the group with cautious eyes, some giving the 'I'm watching you' sign, others cracking their knuckles. Suspenseful background music played. But right in the middle of the intense stare down, Renge suddenly popped out of a self-dug hole, a shovel in her hand. _She took out a microphone and began narrating everyone's thoughts and actions._

Everyone sighed, hoping she would go away soon. Luckily, right in the middle of her ridiculous narration, everyone suddenly found themselves being pelted with acorns.

"_What the hell?" This was the last time Satoshi would hang out with any of his brother's friends. Ever._

"This was the last time-"

"RENGE, WOULD YOU FUCKING STOP WITH THE DAMN NARRATION?"

_Satoshi seethed as Ranka glared at him, grabbing another bar of soap out of his purse._

"Are you serious? As if the acorns aren't enough! By the way, shouldn't we be trying to find out who is pelting us with acorns and why they're doing it?" Satoshi annoyingly suggested. Suddenly, a familiar voice came from the nearest tree.

"He's right, you know. You really should concentrate on that."

The acorns stopped and everyone turned towards the tree.

"HONEY?" everyone shouted at the same time. Honey and Kyouga jumped out of the tree.

"If you would have just told us about this before we were released, this wouldn't have happened!" the two said at the same time.

_Mori bowed in respect. "We are very sorry, master, but we didn't want to disturb you and mistress Kyouga," Mori lied as an excuse. Honey blinked and then smiled happily._

"_Oh, Okay! I get it!"_

"It's just so- sniffles -beautiful!"

Everyone turned to look at Ranka, who was weeping into a snotty handkerchief.

"Even after rising out of the pits of gay hell, he still loves Mori! Especially with the way he looks, too! Gay love is just so… weird in a beautiful and disgusting way!"

_Everyone in the group deadpanned. Then they all looked at Haruhi. (S)he shrugged and shook his/her head._

"My breasts may be gone, but my vagina isn't. What exactly would you call that?" Haruhi explained and asked. Out of nowhere everyone noticed that was happening a little too often) Tamaki popped up, twirling a rose in his hand.

"_Why, my sweet Haruhi- Kyouya? You're ALIVE?" Tamaki glomped the Shadow King._

"_Kyou-chan! You're alive!"_

"Tamaki! How DARE you? Kyouya is MINE now!" Haruhi pushed Tamaki out of her way. She grabbed Kyouya's arm and stuck her tongue out at him. Tamaki grabbed Ranka's handkerchief and ran off crying. Once he was gone, Haruhi pushed Kyouya to the side and laughed like a maniac.

"Now he'll stay away from you!" Then she also ran off laughing.

_Honey grabbed Kyouya and Mori's wrists. Dragging the two behind him, he yelled, "Sayonara, suckers!"_

"Wait, bring Kyouya back here!" Renge yelled. Everyone sighed, and Kyouya slowly turned around and faced the crazed girl.

"What now? Please don't try to make me marry you again! I know I'm irresistible and all, but you'll just have to learn some self control!" Kyouya begged.

"Of course not, you idiot! I've received amazing inspiration! This time, you're going to be a ballerina squirrel from the planet Renge- named after me -who has a weird obsession with throwing acorns at transsexuals! It'll be an amazing movie!"

_Kyouya sighed._

"_That's nice."_

_He then grabbed a riffle hidden under his jacket and shot her in the head. Watching the blood spray amusingly (as blood does in anime) he pocketed his riffle and followed after Honey, Mori, and Kyouga._

The End

(Continued in next chapter…maybe)

**ENDING NOTE FROM RANDOMNESS-IS-AWSOMENESS: I must admit, I think the first chapter is the funniest chapter so far. And by the way, we really ARE working on a new Death Note fic. But we can't decide on whether it should be serious or whether it should just be another crack. But we'll also leave that up to you. We'll put up a poll and you guys can vote which one you want! Anyways, please review! It makes my world go round!Oh, and if you would like to see what kind of conversations me and YuuYuu-chan usually have, go to the link ****.com/s/2826927/1/Harmless_Fun_IM_Convos****. (description: **_Heeeeeellllllooooo! This is YuuYuu-chan and Randomness-is-Awesomeness (from Fanfiction) giving you the inside on what goes on in our minds when talking on IM. We don't know when it happened, but during our conversation something switched and became this RP-type…thing. Random and I are like kittens on crack when together and shouldn't be taken lightly. We hope you enjoy knowing what goes on in our crazy minds._ _This was just for fun. I'm very sorry if you are offended by anything we talked about in the IM conversation. Again, it is just harmless fun mixed with our own opinions among other things._) **I was bored and decided to read it, and thought it was… pretty interesting.**

**ENDING NOTE FROM YUUYUU-CHAN: I agree. The last chapter was the funniest dang thing on the planet. Anyway, I'm heading off right after I write this to put a poll on our Bio. The question will be: Do you want our upcoming Death Note fic to be serious or parody? We put a preview of each in the next chapter. I totally hope you enjoyed this fic and our crappy advertising! See you next chapter!**


	3. Phone Hopping Clowns

Print: Randomness-is-Awsomeness

_Italics: YuuYuu-chan _

**Warning: when we wrote this story (can you even call it a story?) we were extremely high on garlic breadsticks and sleep deprivation.**

**Extra Warning: when we wrote this warning, we were extremely high on garlic breadsticks and sleep deprivation.**

**P.S. Extra Warning: pay no attention to this warning. We were extremely high on garlic breadsticks and sleep deprivation.**

**P.S. for the P.S. Extra Warning: ignore the first three warnings. We weren't extremely high on garlic breadsticks and sleep deprivation. We were actually high on Cocaine and the anime Black Butler.**

**Another P.S. for the P.S. Extra Warning: we're putting the real warning at the end of the story because we just got back from the insane asylum and were too busy bugging the characters in this somewhat-of-a-semi-story to write a warning that was actually serious here. And we were lazy. **

**A/N: Okay, looky here. We finally got this chapter finished. At long last. But there are a few reasons as to why it took us so long to update. One, we finally got the summaries for the serious version and the crack version of our new Death Note stories done, so now you can vote. The summaries will be on the next chapter. And we also finally turned what used to be a really stupid plot into an amazing storyline. Two, we also made some banners. We have a banner for Disturbing Content and our newest Death Note story. YuuYuu-chan made the banner for Disturbing Content, and Randomness-is-Awsomeness made the banner for the new Death Note story. Here are the links to each:**

Disturbing Content banner: h t t p : / / i 2 2 2 . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / d d 2 3 8 / m o r p h 9 / B a n n e r s / th _ OHSHCBannerforEmmaandDC - 1 . jpg?t = 1285819039

Death Note banner: h t t p : / / s 2 5 1 . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / g g 3 1 5 / c u r e b l a c k 1 / ? a c t i o n = v i e w & c u r r e n t = deathnotebannerforKatie - 1 . jpg

_(Please remove the spaces.)_

(A/N: there's a small hint as to what the title of the crack version is in this one. Review what picture you think holds the hint. The first person to guess it right will be put into our story! We'll announce the person who wins, and that person can then tell us what you want us to call you in the story. Good luck!)

**You can also find the links on our profile. So yeah. There we go. Enjoy.**

One day Kyouya decided that it would be fun to sign up as a student tutor and then teach his student the exact opposite of what he/she was.

_He figured it would be fun to make a young student's life miserable. _After all, he wouldn't have failed the first, second, and seventh grades if it wasn't for his tutors. It wasn't his fault he thought 2+2=2.

_He even got to choose whom he wanted as his student. _Wait, no, it was two students. When he went to pick the students, he picked the two people whose names not only sounded familiar, they were also the worst names you could possibly name a child: Randomness-is-Awsomeness and YuuYuu-chan.

"_Kyou-chan!" cried YuuYuu-chan. "I want an ice cream cone!"_

'_Kyou-chan' sighed. "And how old are you, again?"_

"_Way too young for you, Kyou-chan!"_

Random-chan slapped Yuu-chan upside the head.

"How many times do I have to remind you? When we're not on fanfiction, we don't say stupid things!" she scolded.

"But we ARE on fanfiction!" Yuu-chan cried as she rubbed her newly-formed goose egg.

_A sudden thought struck her. "Hey, Random-chan?"_

"_What?"… "Why do they call it a goose egg?"_

"Because if someone or something hits your head hard enough, an actual goose's egg forms inside your skull. It can only be removed by surgery," she explained as if this disturbing lie was part of everyday life.

"Wait, so you mean now they have to cut open my head with sharp_...things_?" Yuu-chan started to panic.

_Kyouya repeatedly banged his head against a nearby wall._

"_Why, oh why, did I choose these two idiots?" _

_YuuYuu-chan was screaming like a banshee and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off._

All Random-chan could do was try to keep her guts inside her body as she hysterically laughed. She certainly hadn't thought their reactions would be nearly as extreme and hilarious as they were.

"_Waaah! Random-chan, did you lie to me?"_

_Meanwhile…_

"_Haruhi! Daddy wants to see you in your new lingerie!"_

_Haruhi maniacally laughed. She had finally gotten Tamaki to acknowledge her existence!_

Haruhi felt her heart beating in her chest as she changed into the laced bra and panties, with small roses on the sides of the panties and a rose on the front clasp of the bra. She stepped out of the dressing room to show Tamaki.

"Oh, it's beautiful! It will look AMAZING on Kyouya! I'm so glad you've always had the body of a boy. I wouldn't be able to live if I were to put this on in public! That is, when Kyouya _isn't_ in the room!"

_And just like that, poor, pitiful Haruhi gave up on life._

_Back to YuuYuu-chan and Random-chan…_

"_I hate you, Random-chan!"_

"I love you too! But don't you think we should get to work?"

Kyouya nodded in agreement, so both Random-chan and Kyouya dragged a reluctant Yuu-chan to a small studying table, where Kyouya tried to convince an argumentative Random-chan that 2+2=2.

"I'm in the ninth grade! I know for a fact that 2+2 does NOT equal 2!" she loudly reasoned.

"That's what I was taught when I was your age!" Kyouya loudly reasoned back.

"ALL THAT MEANS IS THAT YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" both Random-chan and Yuu-chan yelled at him.

_Kyouya shrank back and quivered. Letting out a shrill wail, he curled into a ball._

"_Y-you guys are so mean!"_

_With Tamaki…_

"_My Kyouya senses are tingling! To the Tama-moblie!"_

_A few moments after some crappy theme music and Tamaki acting like an idiot, he finally made it into the limo._

"_To the ice cream parlor on 21__st__ street!" _he said to the chauffer.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no 21st street. And there are no ice cream parlors within thirty minutes of this very spot. Are you sure you didn't mean to say mental institution?"

"_B-but…" Tamaki cried out. "That's where Kyouya is! I can feel it with my Kyouya senses!"_

_The chauffer in the front shook his head at his masters silliness. "Young people these days. Honestly!"_

"I'm not young! I'm a fully grown man! Just ask my blanky!"

"Blanky? Seriously? And if you're so grown up, why aren't you the one driving? And why is it you still sleep with a night light, drink out of a sippy-cup, and hide this so called 'blanky' under your shirt?"

"…_and what about the bear, Tamaki-sama?"_

_Tamaki jumped in surprise and turned to see two girls, one brunette and one blond. They were both sipping on tea and sitting in a cross-legged position._

_The brunette, who was donning a panda hat, lifted one of her two lazy eyelids in Tamaki's direction._

"_Well? Are you going to admit to keeping Kuma-chan hostage?"_

"_H-h-h-hostage? I would never have kept Kuma-chan hostage!"_

The two girls stared at him.

"Wow. When Kyouya made us agree to this, I thought he was kidding about the teddy bear!" the brunette exclaimed with surprise.

"He made US? No, you see, you guys made ME come. I already had plans to pull pranks much better than this one on several people! I was even saving the best one for you, Yuu-chan! And I also missed my cat nap…" the blond cut in. but instead of donning a panda hat, she donned a full-fledged Suigintou (Rozen Maiden) cosplay costume.

"_Mou~ That's not fair, Random-chan!" the brunette tugged roughly at the silver wig._

"What the hell? I would think that by now you would fully well know I say those types of things because my therapist tells me not to. And don't even think of bringing up why I need therapy! Not to mention the fact that I'M supposed to be the violent one. And if you take off my wig, I'll take your panda hat and make sure you never see it ever again!"

_YuuYuu-chan crossed her arms over her head, covering her panda hat. "No! You can't touch this_! _It-" she paused._

"_Dunununa, dunu, dunu, can't touch this-" _(A/N from Random-chan: this is one of my favorite parts of the whole chapter. I would DIE to see it. Especially if I could get it on tape.)

"Tamaki! Hurry and get a video recorder, a camera, anything! Just something to get this on film. Blackmail is my favorite part of humiliation!"

Tamaki ran and got one, quickly bringing it to Random-chan.

"Yes! Now, Yuu-chan, answer the question to the video recorder: did you eat another box of garlic breadsticks AGAIN?"

_Yuu-chan flinched. Cowering into a fatal position, she poked her fingers together. "Uh… maybe…"_

"And what time did you finally go to sleep? And did you take your 'happy pills'? You know how you get when you don't take your 'happy pills'!"

_YuuYuu-chan stared at Random-chan in horror. Tears welling up in her eyes, she turned her back on them and ran._

"Hey! Don't be mad just because I revealed your beautiful pills secret to the whole world! Or, at least all of fanfiction! Would you come back if I bought you the next volume of Black Butler and extra-garlicky breadsticks?"

"_Is it going to have pizza sauce?"_

_Tamaki let out a very un-manly scream as YuuYuu-chan wrapped her arms around his neck._

"_Mmm…comfy!" Sweat dripped down Tamaki's face._

"Yuu-chan! Get off of him! I need to take a visit to Mr. Toilet-san. The story needs to pause!" Random-chan yelled.

"Then go to the bathroom, and take a notebook so you have something hard to write on while you take a crap!" Yuu-chan replied.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to take something so that I can get hard? I wasn't listening. I was too busy doing a potty dance. But if that's what you said, for the record, I can't get hard. My pussy can only get tight and wet."

_YuuYuu-chan's face exploded in red. "Random-chan! I said 'So get a notebook so you have something hard to write on'! Geez, you're such a hentai!" _(A/N from Random-chan- this actually happened. True story. Oh, and if you notice it'll pretty much be just me leaving A/Ns, it's because I'm the one who has to type this thing, not YuuYuu-chan. She would just loose it and we'd have to do something different and start over.)

"How do you think this story got so perverted?" Random-chan proudly defended. The two started bickering about really stupid things, as usual, when Tamaki's phone went off, his ring tone being Miss Bipolar by Blood on the Dance Floor (not recommended for those who can't stand sexual content. But if you've been able to read up to this point, you should be fine). Everyone turned to look at him. His face turned beet red, and he embarrassingly pointed out, "It's the perfect song to describe my darling Kyouya!"

_YuuYuu-chan and Random-chan contemplated it for a few moments._

Miss Bipolar Lyrics (Blood on the Dance Floor Ft. Lolli Dolli)

It's a love.(FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!...)Ahooo...You're a bitch. You're a bitch. I'm sick of your shit. You're a dick. You're a dick. You think your words are so slick. You can't get it right, always gotta be a fight. You're heart is my pinata so sayonara. I just wanna go out tonight. I'm too tired to put up a fight. I just wanna go out tonight. The best part of fighting is the make-up sex Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, manipulator, instigator. Miss Bipolar ultimate controller perpetrator see you later you left my heart broken and sore. You say you love me (I love you) then you shove me to the floor. Leave me drowning in your makeup contemplating on our break up. Drama is your middle name, you certified afliency. (huh?)I just wanna go out tonight. I'm too tired to put up a fight.I just wanna go out tonight. The best part of fighting is the make-up sex Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, manipulator, instigator. Miss Bipolar ultimate controller perpetrator see you later! (Ahoo)Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, demonstrator, superstraitor. (Ahoo)Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, terminator, aphyxiator sunshine coming through the rain this happiness is mixed with pain. Sunshine coming through the right this happiness is [CAN'T LET GO!]Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, manipulator, instigator. Miss Bipolar ultimate controller perpetrator see you later! (Ahoo)Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, demonstrator, superstraitor. (Ahoo)Miss Bipolar ultimate controller, terminator, aphyxiator.I just wanna go out tonight. I'm too tired to put up a fight.I just wanna go out tonight. I'm too tired to put up a fight.I just wanna go out tonight. I'm too tired to put up a fight.I just wanna go out tonight

"_Mmm…true, true."_

_Tamaki flipped his newly improved Kyou-centric phone open._

"_My dear, darling Kyouya, how are you?"_

"My rotten, damned Tamaki, Haruhi has insisted on us meeting as a group, for what reasons I don't know. So you better leave those two idiotic girls right now and head over to our 'secret lair'."

_"Do I have to?" Tamaki whined. "Haruhi's creepy!"_

_There was a pause on the other line. A dark, chilling silence filled the air._

"_You dare defy me, the Great Kyouya?"_

"No, my lord! Of course not, my lord! The Great Kyouya knows everything, so I don't know what I was saying! Please don't hurt me!"

_Tamaki cowered under a near-by table. "I'm sorry! I'll do anything you ask of me!"_

"Tamaki, he's not even here right now. What the hell are you doing under the table? Could I perhaps join you?" Haruhi, who suddenly popped up out of thin air, pointed out.

_Suddenly, the twins popped out from behind a startled Haruhi. "Yeah, tono, can we join?~" _

_Tamaki jumped. "W-what are you two doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon?"_

"Yes. Yes, we were. But due to certain... circumstances, we were forced to come back. But don't worry. We're still as gay and hot as ever!"

_Tamaki sighed. "That's a relief." _

_"What's a relief?" Tamaki dropped the poor, defenseless phone he had forgotten about on the cold, cemented ground in surprise, therefore cracking his phone in several different places._

"Hey, are you still there?" For some reason, Kyouya's voice was still coming from the ruined phone. Everyone stared in horror at it, as if Kyouya would suddenly pop out of it. Okay, well, it turns out it wasn't as if. He really did pop out of the bits of broken phone.

_"KYAAAAAAAAA!" Everyone looked on in horror as YuuYuu-chan glomped Kyouya. "I always knew there was someone so creepy they could travel through broken phones!"_

"That's just you're anxiety talking, Yuu-chan. You're scared of most anything. And I mean almost anything. It gets a little creepy sometimes. But that's why we're friends. We're both creepy in our own special ways!"

_"What are you talking about Random-chan? I was screaming in glee. Now he can take me anywhere I want! Do you know how many broken phones there are in the world? We could get back to the U.S.A. and stop appearing at random scenes in this fanfiction! I'm pretty sure our readers are tired of us by now, y'know." She nodded sagely to herself._

"Yuu-chan, I'm tired of us by now. I'm pretty sure they're beyond tired of us. And I never said you weren't happy about it. But I can SOOO see you having an anxiety attack over a clown jumping out of your phone... I want to see that! I laugh just thinking about it! But once I'm done laughing my butt off at you I'll help you calm down."

_YuuYuu-chan pouted. "That clown things is not funny!" Her eyes went wide. "Wait...If Kyouya has special phone jumping powers...WHAT IF CLOWNS HAVE THEM TOO?" She let out a high-pitch scream, causing the present members of the Host Club to cover their ears. "Damn, she's loud." Hikaru whispered to his twin husband. Kaoru nodded, still wincing at the pain of his still ringing ears._

"Don't worry. You'll get used to it after a while," Random-chan pointed out. "Hey, Yuu-chan, Brian's here. Remember him? The therapist with all the CDs? He just came in his helicopter that we had no idea existed!"

_"Hmm? My therapist...?" YuuYuu-chan perked up. "Let's GO, Random-chan! We've GOT to tell everyone all about those clowns! BRIAN! DON'T BREAK YOUR PHONE!" Dragging Random-chan behind her, the Host Club watched YuuYuu-chan run toward the helicopter, where a therapist-y looking old guy was waiting._

"Yuu-chan! I didn't mean to go with him! I meant to go back and get copies of the therapeutic CDs that you lost! MOOOOUUUUU! Why me? Are we even going back to the place we first met? If so, drag me all you want! But if not, GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!"

_"I'm talking about phone traveling clowns. Of course we'll go back!" YuuYuu-chan winked. "Play along, ne?"_

"Fine... but you've got to give me something in return, ne? It doesn't matter if we like it at our 'Behavioral Treatment Center'. This is still beyond embarrassing" Random-chan winked back in return. "Wait, is that Jeff? JEFF!" Random-chan yelled at the helicopter, suddenly looking very eager to get into the helicopter, despite the fact she seemed to despise the idea mere seconds before Yuu-chan had leaned down and whispered something in her ear.

_Both Honey and a ravished looking Kyouga fell out of a nearby tree, right onto Hikaru and Kaoru. A helicopter flew over head. Mori crawled out of a bush._

"Wait, so, that Yuu-whatever-her-name-is basically freaked out for no reason whatsoever? Poor Random-whatever-her-name-is. She was dragged into that helicopter for no apparent reason..."

_"Actually, she looked pretty happy after Yuu-whatever-her-name-is whispered something in her ear..." Mori commented._

"Maybe she was bribed... hey, do you think she agreed to do, well, to put it bluntly, perverted things in return for being dragged through the helicopter?" Kyouya asked. But right after he said it, his face lit up and he seemed to get a marvelous idea.

"Tamaki!"

"Yes, Great Kyouya-sama?" Tamaki quickly replied.

"FOLLOW THOSE TWO GIRLS AND GET THEM ON TAPE! GIRL ON GIRL ACTION IS THE BEST!" he yelled at him. Out of nowhere, Random-chan's voice could suddenly be heard all around them.

"EWWWWWW! No way! Now I've got that image stuck in my head! I HATE YOU!"

Then Yuu-chan's voice was heard.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, RANDOM-CHAN!"

"YUU-CHAN! WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING TOGETHER! STOP TORTURING ME BY MAKING THEM THINK WE DO THAT KIND OF STUFF!"

_YuuYuu-chan's laugh echoed around them. "But it's fun, koto ne? Hahaha!" _

_The Host Club sweat dropped. Kyouya kicked a rock dejectedly. "Damn it. There goes Girl on Girl profit..."_

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY GIRL ON GIRL PROFIT? ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I CAN'T PLEASURE A GIRL? I'LL SHOW YOU!" Random-chan's voice was heard again, just as Kyouya's face lit up again.

"TAMAKI! GO! THEY'RE REALLY GOING TO DO IT NOW!"

"RANDOM-CHAN! NO WAY! THAT'S MEAN!" Yuu-chan's voice was also heard again.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! NOW STOP MOVING, YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT HURT MORE!"

"SPARE ME!"

"I'M NOT REALLY GOING TO DO IT, YOU RETARD! NOW YOU SEE HOW IT FEELS TO BE HUMILIATED LIKE THAT!"

_"WAAAAAAAAAHHH!" And that was the last thing the Host Club heard as the helicopter went out of sight. "Damn it." _

"Yes, it's such a shame. It would have been a very...interesting sight. I would have loved to see both of their conflicting personalities in bed with each other. They have much in common, but they also have much that is different. Looking at their personalities, I bet Random-chan would be on top, though they probably won't ever get that far. But what do you guys think?"

_-Meanwhile, in the helicopter...- _

_YuuYuu-chan felt a shiver of disgust run down her spine. Random-chan looked over at her. "Are you cold again?" YuuYuu-chan shivered again. "No, I just have a feeling someone's saying really nasty things about us..." _

_-Back to the Host Club-_

"I don't think it would ever even get that far. Yuu-chan would definitely freak out before anything remotely exciting could happen."

"But don't you think that Random-chan would force her to shut up and comply? She seems to be the type to do anything to get what she wants, even if it means resorting to violence."

"No. If violence is involved, she won't do it for the sex. It'll just be for the violence."

_"Will you guys shut up? You're turning me on..." The Host Club members looked at the new arrival. _

_"DADDY?" Tamaki looked in shock at his father._

"Yes, it's daddy. And I would hope you would know that two hot girls in bed with each other make me hard."

"We never exactly said they were hot..." Tamaki nervously replied.

"Are you implying that they would be two ugly girls in bed?" his dad asked in surprise.

"No. it's more like two... average girls in bed."

_"Why the hell would you think about two average girls in bed? Maybe your grandmother was right..."_

"She's always right! Even I agreed when grandmother said she thought it would be a good idea to send me to a mental institution!" Tamaki started sobbing. He grabbed a random rose out of thin air and started sulking in the corner with the rose in his hand.

"Tamaki-sama! Don't cry! Let me make it all better!" Haruhi exclaimed as she went to pounce on him. But instead, Kyouya grabbed her. "If you want to do those types of things, go somewhere else. Like a helicopter with some weird people who were said to be therapists."

_Haruhi crossed her arms and grumbled. "I never get what I want...Honey and Kyouga can have sex on Victoria Secret's floor! I can't even do it under a table..." After a few more grumbles she straitened up. Hikaru and Kaoru put theirs arms around her. "If you wanted to do it under a table..."_

_Hikaru started in. "Why didn't you just ask?" Kaoru finished._

"AHHH! I love you two! Come, Tamaki! Let us forever enjoy the eternal blessings of making love to your most precious person!"

_Hikaru and Kaoru sat dejected in the stolen Tamaki's Emo Corner. Poking the ground, Kaoru grumbled. "We meant just us..." While Hikaru mumbled, "Why is always Tamaki? Aren't we good enough for you, Haruhi?"_

"Yes. But you're not bipolar. And you're married to each other. And I'm just some senseless little girl who has no idea what she's going to do with herself. You guys really wouldn't want some sold out good, would you?"

_The twins glomped Haruhi. "Of course! We've never had that kind of toy before!" Hikaru rubbed his head against hers._

"You're right... and I've never had two incestuous and gay toys before... it's official. You two will be my new source of obsession!"

_Tamaki let out a squeal of glee under the table. "Finally! She's finally moved on! I'm free to love Kyouya without obsessive stalkers waiting to kill him!" Hugging himself and twirling in circles (still under the table), he rushed out to glomp Kyouya, who quickly moved out of the way. _

"You take this as a good thing, Tamaki. I take it as a bad thing. Now there is absolutely nothing standing between you and this hunk of rich, narcissist amazing-ness."

_"Well, except Mori." Honeyy piped in. The handsome giant stood in front of Kyouya with a murderous aura. Tamaki backed up._

"Tamaki. Tell me. Which one of us now owns Kyouya? You, who has hardly even touched him, or me, who is the only one who will forever own his sacred virginity?"

_"YOU TOOK MY PRECIOUS KYOUYA'S VIRGINITY? HOW DARE YOU!" Tamaki tackled Mori to the ground, clawing and pulling at random pieces of flesh._

"I just completely fucked him senseless for his first time ever with his most intimate places. Does that sound like taking his virginity to you?"

_Kyouya coughed. "Excuse me, I was aware that it was /I/ who fucked /you/ senseless in /your/ most intimate places. And who ever said you took my virginity? I had already lost that quite a while ago to Kyouga. That girl has fucked anything with legs, you know. Me included." _

"But did she take you in your other place?"

_"She took me in every place."_

"I didn't know she had a dick. How the heck did she fuck you senseless through your beautiful opening? Has she ever hit your prostate, sending you flying into a newfound world of euphoria?"

_Kyouya's face turned dark. "She has her ways..." He whispered menacingly. _

"Kyouya, are you telling me she's like... Haruhi?"

**Our Real Warning: you should know by now how offensive, stupid, and random our stories are, so f*ck off (for some reason, YuuYuu-chan finds that funnier than the actual fuck off. She's nuts. And so am I. that's why no one reads our stories. And we're proud of it. But that doesn't mean we don't love the people who do read, especially if they review afterwards. So fuck off. And for the record, Randomness-is-Awsomeness wrote all of these useless warnings.)**

Randomness-is-Awsomeness- I'm surprised my fingers have the energy to type up this note, considering I an the one who typed every single last word of this story (we made it from IM. I just copied it and then changed the font. But because my message history doesn't let me copy and paste, I have to go and retype every single last word), went through and put all of YuuYuu-chan's lines into italic, edited, came up with the warnings and the A/N at the beginning, retyped Yuu-chan's ending note, and retyped the summaries for our new Death Note story that you WILL vote upon (I also came up with them. At this time, YuuYuu-chan had used up all of her brain on homework. So the job was left to me. But she did go back and we edited them. So she did some of it.) Tell us if you would rather us do the crack version or the serious version. The summaries will be on the next chapter. You want to know how long this freaking thing is in total? 12 pages. In font ten. Single spaced. That's three times our usual chapter-length. And then I was also assigned to do the Death Note banner, which took at least two and a half hours to make. And you want to know what I'm asking in return for five hours of excruciating typing? **A simple review.** That's all the two of us ask for. Share ideas, thoughts, criticism, comments, whatever. Just _**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! AND VOTE! AND READ AND REVIEW!1**_

_YuuYuu-chan- I hate fanfiction. I had a good author's note, and I was happy to finally be done editing...and it glitches. And I have to re-do EVERYTHING. I think life just wants me to fail. But oh well. At least your banner didn't take you four hours, Random-chan! My ass hurt so bad...and for two days strait, too! I didn't even get to to use the bathroom! (But Emmy still had it worse having to type all this down manually.) But I digress, (no I don't; I just wanted to use a fancy word) I will continue onto another subject. PLEASE VOTE! I myself am opting towards the crack version, since I can't seem to be serious for the life of me. Serious things bore me quickly. And I'm a horrible procrastinator when I'm bored. (My personal readers should know this if they've ever read Akuma Academy. But don't worry **Exorcist Academy** (Name Change!) will still be continued! It's just on a very long hiatus...) So yes, **READ**, **REVIEW**, and _**VOTE!**

_Thanks for the favorites and alerts!_**  
**

_And many thanks to our anonymous and known reviewers! We thank you very much for all the support you've given us! Or, at least, I do since I don't know of Random-chan's feelings on the subject...Enjoy the two previews!  
_


	4. Republican Hippies

**A/N: Sorry! It wasn't until recently that we realized we had accidentally replaced this chapter. But here it is! Sorry for any confusion...**

_One day, Mori decided he didn't get enough screen time in the last chapter._So he decided that he would walk around town. As he was walking through the local outlet mall looking for a new shade of lip-gloss for Kyouya, he found himself walking past some hippie standing on a box yelling at the crowd. He was talking about... POLITICS! And not just any politics. REPUBLICAN politics. It was a REPUBLICAN hippie! _T_

_he REBULICAN hippie noticed a frightened Mori trying to get away._

_"YOU THERE!" He yelled. "COME TO ME!"_

_'Shit, he noticed me...'_

"You!" the hippie yelled.

"What?" Mori yelled back.

"Get over here, you DEMOCRATIC slum!"

"How dare you call me a DEMOCRATIC slum!"

"Well, you are!"

"Don't talk back to me!"

"I will if I want to!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

_Haruhi decided it would be the perfect time to pop up out of nowhere with her twin bishies._

_"What's up, yo?" She suddenly gasped. "OMGNOWAI! Is that a REBUBLICAN Hippie?"_

"Haruhi, I don't think they're listening. Did you ever think you would see the day where you'd walk into your local outlet mall only to find Mori yelling at a REBPUBLICAN hippie, tossing insults and throwing strong political opinions at each other? " Hikaru and Kaoru asked, shrugging their shoulders at the same time.

_"It's amazing!" Came a cry from their right. They looked over to see Tamaki and Kyouya looking on in amazement at the fight between the REPUBLICAN hippie and Mori. Or, at least, Tamaki was looking on in amazement. Kyouya was just looking._

Tamaki grabbed Kyouya's arm and looked deep into his eyes. "Kyouya, I love you. This mood is just so romantic... kiss me!"

"What the hell is it about this that's romantic?" He yelled at him in amazement. He couldn't believe it. Absolutely EVERYTHING was romantic to this guy...

_"REJECTED!" The twins wrapped their arms around the blond._

_"You just got rejected, Tamaki- sempai." Hikaru stated._

_"And for the...fifteen- thousandth- seven- hundredth- seventy- second time." Kaoru finished._

"Actually, Kaoru, it's the fifteen- thousandth- seven- hundredth- seventy- third time," Kyouya stated as he pushed up his glasses on his nose. "Not to mention that he has now spent 73.389659283% of the words he has ever spoken to me on unrealistic romantic babble."

_"You kept track?" Tamaki yelled._

_"God, what is with all this yelling?" A voice came from behind them._

_"I do not know, Light- kun. Maybe it's some sort of competition? "_

"Yes, Tamaki, I just happen- "

"That reminds me, L. We still need to play the rematch for the game we last played. I refuse to accept that we tied," Light interrupting Kyouya as he replied to L.

_A dark, chilling silence filled the room. _

_"...shit, he interrupted Kyouya! We're doomed!" The rest of the host club hurried away into a nearby Victoria Secret, trying to ignore the various screams coming from the two men outside. Kaoru sighed._

_"Thank goodness, we're safe."_

"Whoever said you were safe? You abandoned my dear Light- kun! As long as I have these shinigami eyes, I won't let anyone who refuses to help my Light- kun when he's in danger live to tell the tale! LIGHT! WHERE DID YOU PUT THE DEATH NOTE?" Misa popped up and proclaimed in a loud voice.

_"I don't- AAAH!- know- NOT THE FACE, NOT THE FACE!"_

_L bit his thumb. "Hmm...I cannot let Light- kun and Misa- san out-do me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"L, Don't just stand there. He'll go after you next! And we haven't even made it to the first chapter of the new Death Note story RandomYuuProductions is writing!"

_L stopped his screaming and contemplated it. "Yes, you are very much right, Light- kun. Let us go." He then took out his cell phone and smashed it into the ground._

_"Come, Light- kun!" He grabbed a beaten Light by the hand and jumped into the phone. The Host Club was silent. Until a piercing screech met their ears._

_"Light-kun! You left me here with these freaks! "_

"Why is everyone jumping in and out of broken phones now days? We might as well just replace the freaking subway with a dump load of broken cell phones!" Haruhi said through a random megaphone that she had pulled out of midair to Kyouya.

"Why are you screaming at me?"

"Because I hate you! You took Tamaki, my only love, away from me!"

_"But you have us!" The twins had too, required a megaphone to yell through._

Haruhi turned back to the twins with tears in her eyes.

"I know. You don't know how much I wish it was you two that I was in love with. But I love who I love. My heart is so cruel to me! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHH!" she ran away balling. The twins chased after her.

_"Haruhi, wait!" _

_Tamaki and Mori watched the three run away. Then, Tamaki turned to Mori._

_"Hey, weren't you busy yelling at that REPUBLICAN Hippie?"_

"He's just a bag of shit. Who's ever heard of a REPUBLICAN hippie, anyways? Wait, I have. My mom was a REPUBLICAN hippie. That is, until I reached high school. My sadism changed her state of mind forever...

_"She was scared of the fact that I wanted to name my child Adolf Hitler Smith."_

"Hold up, she can't use that name. That's the name I'm going to name my kidnapped child. I'm going to raise him to become a mass murderer! Plus, your last name isn't even Smith. That's MY last name," Random-chan jumped out of a manhole, sporting a shirt with a snapshot of a scene she took from the video of Yuu-chan doing the "Can't Touch This" dance from the previous chapter.

_YuuYuu-chan quickly came from behind Random-chan out of the manhole. She was sporting a nice looking T-shirt of Mafia Boss! Tsuna (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!). Yuu-chan stopped and stared at the reader._

_"KHR is the bomb, biotch."_

"Yuu-chan, it's biatch. Not biotch," Random-chan corrected.

_YuuYuu-chan grunted indifferently. _

_"Whatever. I'm just so excited; I get to see Kyou- chan again!" Kyouya looked up from his spot on the floor. (How he got there, we'll never know.)_

_"Hmm. Too bad you guys just missed Light and L. They probably would've done a strip tease if you begged hard enough."_

"YuuYuu-chan, we're going to find Light and L right now," Random-chan commanded as she started to drag Yuu-chan by the collar.

_YuuYuu-chan had no complaints. "Okay~" She said dazedly, putting a tissue up to her nose._

"Yuu-chan, help me to remember to stop by Wal-mart when we're done with those two so we can get some new underwear. I don't want to walk around with cumm in my undies." (Random-chan's A/N: I can't believe I said that. God, I really can't believe I said that…)

_YuuYuu-chan jolted._

_"WHAT?" She screamed at the same time with Tamaki._

_"What the hell? Random-chan, are you on crack again? Jkdfdkf!" Yep. YuuYuu-chan's brain was malfunctioning. (YuuYuu-chan's A/N: I can't believe you said it either…)_

"Hey, we're also going to need some more toilet paper for you. So don't complain!" Random-chan stated to a shocked Yuu-chan.

_"...Don't you mean tissues? " YuuYuu-chan asked weakly._

"Well, don't you get more of it in a roll of toilet paper? Plus, you can choose how much you want at a time without having to pull one tissue after another," Random-chan explained.

_"E-eh...true..." She looked to the left of her to see Tamaki following along curiously._

_"What are you doing here?" She asked._

"Well, y-you see... god, this is embarrassing. W-well, e-eto, I, um, I-I've never a-actually se-seen a girl... c-cumm before."

_YuuYuu-chan looked at him with sympathy in her eyes._

_"I've never actually seen one cumm either. We could watch it together!" Tamaki nodded happily and held on to YuuYuu-chan's outstretched hand. Meanwhile, Random-chan rolled her eyes._

_"You guys are sick."_

"Yep! Just like you!" YuuYuu-chan shot back with a smile on her face. An irritated Random-chan was dragging YuuYuu-chan by her right hand, who was holding hands with Tamaki with her left hand as the two skipped behind the irritated girl.

_And they rode off into the sunset in their very own happily ever after._

**YuuYuu- chan, stop right there. I'm interrupting the story to ask a very important question to YuuYuu- the hell are you making it sound like we're all romantic and crap? The stuff in the previous chapter itself was enough to almost kill me! We have never ridden off into the sunset in our very own happily ever after! And I never want to! That is, unless you love me so much you'd be willing to do whatever I say just for that one romantic moment...**

_**Eto...I think we'll just screw the happily ever after and make Kyou-chan rule the world with Mori as his queen. Does that sound good? **_

**God, I seriously can't believe you just asked me that. You should know me better than anyone by now! Of COURSE I'm okay with that! But then what will we do for the rest of the story? We should do a talk show together!**

_**Hmm. We should. The RandomYuu Talkshow. I like the sound of that. But first, we need to make Kyou-chan rule the world.**_

**I do too. Let's start now! Oh, and we'll invite the Ouran High and Death Note cast members as guests. Of course, after we crown them our Rulers.**


	5. Doing the Unspeakable

Randomness-is-Awsomeness (Random-chan for short, RA for A/Ns)- print

_YuuYuu-chan (Yuu-chan for short, YY for A/Ns)- italics_

**Warning: If you've read this far into the story, than you should know about the naughty language, mention of sex scenes, and idiocy that can rot your brain that's embedded into these insane chapters. Oh, and I hope it's just becoming more and more obvious: if there's a new chapter posted, we were probably high off of some random and idiotic thing we found around the house. Oh, and if you read this but neglect to review, you won't live to see the sun rise ever again. Not really. But that would be a very convincing way to get reviews if it was true, wouldn't it?**

**A/N: Well, here it is. Wow. Both me (Random-chan) and YuuYuu-chan don't even know how this chapter turned out as it did. But it's done. Somehow. Someway. And the two of us would be very grateful for any review your little hands can type up for us. Pretty please! And hopefully, if YuuYuu-chan can get off her lazy butt, we'll have the first chapter of our new death note story posted by the end of the year. Well, here it is. Enjoy (that is, if you can even live through this)!**

One day, Light and L got a very random phone call that would change their lives forever."Hello?""Hello, I am an intern at the studio that hosts the _Big Gay Sketch Show_, and I was wondering if Light Yagami and Ryuuzaki L would like to star in our latest special! The _Big Gay Sketch Show: Disturbing Content Edition_."_L gasped in shock. "THE Big Gay Sketch Show?"_"Correction, _The Big Gay Sketch Show: Disturbing Content Edition_. So, what do you say? Are you in or not?""...""Isn't all the content on _The Big Gay Sketch Show _supposed to be disturbing?"_The intern paused. There was a few clicks and a deep sigh before she spoke again."I suppose. But really, do you want to do the show or not?"_"Why the hell are you asking US?""That's something you should be asking Kyouya. He said he knows you from some Republican hippie incident." The lady explained."He's dead when I see him next."_"So that's a yes!""E-eh, wait...""I'll send the tickets right away!"_"Don't you dare hang up on- Damn her! I never said that!" Light yelled as he slammed the phone down.-"I didn't say to invite them! I said to BAN them! Do you not have ears? Now they're going to kill me!" Kyouya started to panic._The interns outside the office winced as they heard crashes, bangs, and screams of anguish carry through the walls. _

_When all the crashes, bangs, and screams of anguish all disappeared, Kyouya sighed and sat on the only stable surface available in the room. His secretary."Hmm...it seems the only way we can make this work is to invite...those two."_"Who do you mean by those two?" Honey innocently asked as he skipped into the room, waving his Usa-chan over his head, continuously smacking a following Mori in the face._"What are you doing here, Honey? Aren't you, like, straight now?"_"I'm having gender-identity issues right now. And I wanted to know if it was true that you would be beat up by those Light and L guys. But now I want to know who those two are. Are they those two creepy lesbians with the broken transporting phones? And when didthey randomly start self-inserting themselves into this story?"_"Feh! As if I, the Great Kyouya, would be beaten by those two losers! My boss might kill me though...But that's not important right now!"Those two lesbians, as you call them, have been here since chapter two, first sentence of the eighteenth paragraph; when they popped out of that hole, thinking it was China-""Weren't you in hell then?"Kyouya choked on his saliva. "T-that's not important!"_"No. Weren't you in hell for fucking Mori senseless and committing suicide? Or can people be sent to hell for being a selfish and narcissist idiot?"_Kyouya growled. "I don't know, can they go to hell for being a innocently cute sex fiend?"_

"I don't know! Why don't you go back to Hell so you can find out?"

_Kyouya growled and raised a hand. Honey gasped in fright. "How dare you talk to me like that, you stupid bunny lover!" SMACK!_

Honey shut his eyes in fear, knowing that he could never fully prepare himself for one of Kyouya's smacks. But a few seconds passed without a bright red mark being slapped onto his face. Slowly opening his eyes, Honey was surprised to find Kyouya's face impossibly close to his, making the smaller boy flush a bright red and squirm uncomfortably from the nervousness swelling inside him. Kyouya's hand was resting on the wall right next to his head, preventing him from escaping. _Kyouya laughed evilly. _

_"I run the cards around here, you see (besides my evil whore of a boss). If you want to make it in here alive, you will do exactly as I say, without questions. No talking back, and NO crazy, wild sex with my sister! Understood?" Honey was about to protest when Kyouya slammed his hand onto the wall again. "I SAID, UNDERSTOOD?" _

_Honey flailed. "Understood, understood!"_

"Kyouya, may I ask you to please handle my Honey with a more gentle manner?"

"**You're** Honey's? Well, Mori, if he is yours, then **you**are **mine**. _And that makes him doubly mine. So there." Mori sighed at Kyouya's drama queen personality. _

_"What do you want us to do?"_

"Now, Mori, do we really have to say it out loud?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Otherwise, it's not as pleasing..." Kyouya sighed with impatience.

"You should know by now that I hate stating the obvious."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's obvious. For everyone else, that is."

"Fine. I want us... to go back to my house so that we can calculate exactly how much money the Host Club has made this week. Then I want us to go over our annual sales and deduct the most affective way to increase those income we get from them. We also are going to plan out all of the activities the club will be doing over the next month. Once that is done, we need to go over how much money the Host Club plans on spending on these activities and make the proper preparations according to how much each activity should cost." _Mori looked surprised. _

_"I thought we were getting __**those two**__?" Kyouya nodded. _

_"That too."_

"Okay. First things first: where would you possibly find two mentally insane teenagers with no life and an ability to get high off of anything they consume?" Everyone in the room looked around at each other before shaking their heads.

"In front of a computer screen," they all said in unison, as if anyone who would ask where two such people would be were complete idiots.

_And as soon as they turned their heads toward the only computer in the room, there they were. Their eyes were read, they had drool trailing down their cheeks, and they had multiple tissues stuffed up their noses. But they weren't the two they needed. _

_"Dammit!" Kyouya yelled. He lifted his cell phone out of his pocket and speed-dialed the number two. "Tamaki!" There was a loud squeal on the other end of the phone. "No, I don't want you to come over- I need you to chack every room that has a computer in this building. I need __**those two.**__"_

"By those two, I hope you mean my tongue and dick."

"No, you TJAMFSL!" Silence followed on the other side of the line before Tamaki replied in a small, weak, surprised voice.

"W-what? What is that supposed to mean?" Kyouya sighed.

"Total Jack-Ass Mother-Fucking Shitty Loser. Didn't Randomness-is-Awsomeness teach you that? She was the one who came up with it, after all. And she makes sure that no one forgets she invented it, too."

_"Don't I know it," came a voice. A very familiar voice._ Everyone slowly turned to the door in shock, fear and confusion.

"I sneezed. Now, other than the mention of MY creation, TJAMFSL, what has been said about me?" Random-chan asked with a sweet tone and fire in her eyes. Kyouya fell down onto his knees, bowing at her feet.

"PLEASE! We need you!" Random-chan grimaced.

"Sorry. Right now, my virginity isn't on sale. Go ask someone else to fulfill your needs." The girl turned around and started to walk out the door, when she was blocked by Mori.

"Where's your other little friend? I don't think there's been a single moment in this story that you two have been apart."

"You guys are idiots. Look over at that computer with the two drooling, red-eyed idiots." Everyone turned their heads once again in that direction, only to find a third girl had joined them. It was YuuYuu-chan. Go figure.

_(YY: Hey! No, I think I would really do that. Huh.) She had to grab near-by tissues to prevent the on-coming nosebleeds. "Random-chan, get over here! It's Ritsu and Soubi, and- oh my god!" The tissues in her nostrils were immediately doused in blood._

"DAMN IT, YUUYUU-CHAN! How DARE you not tell me about this until now!" Random-chan ran over to the three and pushed them all onto the ground so as to get a better view of her most obsessed-over pairing of all time. After a mere few seconds after grabbing a tissue, only for it to be dripping with blood and being quickly replaced with another, she turned back to the boys.

"The more RitsuxSoubi, the closer my virginity comes to going on sale." Out of no where, the boys were suddenly cheering "Go RitsuxSoubi! Go RitsuxSoubi!" Pom-Poms suddenly appeared in their hands, and they all were wearing shirts with "LovelessxBeloved" written on them. YuuYuu-chan grabbed onto Random-chan in an attempt to protect her.

"Get away from her, you monsters! Let a yaoi fangirl fangirl in piece!"

"Oh, are you, perhaps, jealous?" Kyouya retorted. Both YuuYuu-chan and Random-chan turned back towards him.

"NO FREAKING WAY, YOU TJAMFSL!"

_But then YuuYuu-chan poked her fingers together. "But if it's the twins-" Random-chan looked upon her with horror. "Yuu-chan...(YY: You get to finish this sentence)_ (RA: Oh, well thank you very much...) you can't hog both of them! I get Kaoru. You get Hikaru. Deal?" _YuuYuu-chan nodded her head. _

_"Deal." The other two girls next to them looked up at them in awe._

"Wow. Jamie, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yes, exactly what you're thinking, Janice." Yuu-chan and Random-chan looked at them in confusion. "We can't let them do it with Hikaru and Kaoru." Random-chan grew furious.

"And why the fucking hell not?" Yuu-chan restrained her friend from mutilating the girls while they responded.

"Because. The two of you have officially... converted us into yuri fans!" Random-chan and Yuu-chan grew pale.

"W-what?"

_"C'mon!" Jamie cried. "Show us some action!" Janice nodded eagerly with her friend. _

_"Touch! Touch! Touch!" Eventually Kyouya, Honey, and Mori joined in with their pom-poms. _

_"Touch! Touch! Touch!" Kyouya pressed a button to reveal the hidden cameras in his office._

"Random-chan... I-I-I'm scared. What are we going to do?" Random-chan pushed Yuu-chan behind her back to hide her from the cameras.

"Don't worry. I refuse to let them force you to do anything." No reply came from behind the over-protective, violent girl. "Yuu-chan, what's-"

"Random-chan, I (RA: I'll let you finish that sentence) _think we might have to do it."_

Random-chan sighed. "If you insist." She grabbed Yuu-chans wrist and dragged her with her, grabbing one of the cameras on the way out the door, to the other side of the hallway, and into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

_"Damn!" Honey sat down in a humph. "I wanted to see live action!" Kyouya put a hand on his shoulder. _

_"I'm with you on that one." Mori grunted. _

_"Me three."_ The two newly-declared yuri fangirls started giggling.

"Men. They're so oblivious. Did you not notice Random-chan grab one of your video recorders on her way out the door?" _Kyouya and Mori perked up, but Honey was still in his depressed state of depression. _

_"Hmph! I want to see LIVE action! Not some cam-recorder replica."_

"If you want to see it so bad, go sneak in through the key-hole!"

_Hunny's face brightened, but immediately darkened again, for he remembered that the bathroom doors here didn't have key-holes. So the rest of the beings in the room had to deal with an irate Honey._ Meanwhile, in the bathroom, any person with ears could tell that something hightly erotic was taking place in a running shower located on the other side of the hallway.

_"R-Random-chan!" Yes. Definitely erotic. Any passer-byers blushed and hurried on their way. Some were even shame-less enough to stay and listen. _

"Yuu-chan, you're just so- AHH!"

_(YY: For the love of-*blush*) "R-Random-chAAAAN!"_ (RA: What else am i supposed to say? You can't imagine how hard I'm laughing, though.) In the other room, Mori and Honey were obviously being affected, which infuriated Kyouya beyond imagination. _Mori stood up. _

_"Excuse me while I go masturbate." And with that, he left the room. Honey picked up his bunny with a blush. _

_"Let me help you with that." He said dreamily._

"W-wait! Come back! At this rate, we're never going to get anything done!" Kyouya gave up and sighed in defeat. His life was pathetic. Well, he might as well join in with Mori and Honey while he had the chance.

THE END.

Stay tune in next time for the result of the host club's hormones and procrastination on our latest special: _The Big Gay Sketch Show: Disturbing Content Edition_!

RA: Wow. Okay. What to say, what to say… god. What are you supposed to say to a chapter like this? Trust us, we didn't plan it this way. Well, okay. Not a single thing in this story has really been planned out. It just happens to come out the way it does. Anyways, my fingers are still intact, thanks to us having switched to a different IM provider that does let me copy and paste all of this. And please, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. And VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE on what version of our new Death Note story you want us to write.

_YY: YES! VOTE! Reviews would be nice, but I'm more concerned about the voting. And Random-chan's getting really irritated because I won't start on my part yet. If any of you like AU Death Note stories, with lots of drama, action, and yaoi, please! I think it will have all those qualities, even if you do choose crack!_

_**HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**_


	6. Death Note Summaries

_**Crack**_

Okay, according to his careful calculations, he had a 5% chance of successfully discovering how he came to know how to do calculate these careful calculations. He also calculated that 95% of his body felt like absolute shit. No, correction. He recalculated and came to the conclusion that 95% of his body was probably _made _out of _actual _ he felt as if this feeling was due to a lack of something, for some shitty reason. (It's really a legitimate reason. His body felt as if he was carved out of a stone of shit, all because he was lacking something.) he hoped to the devil that this lack of whatever the shit was also wasn't the reason behind the yami* surrounding him. But it only then occurred to him that the word yami sounded like rotting meat, or some insane high school teacher. Wait, scratch that. ALL high school teachers are so, the sound of an old teacher poking his head with a ruler and yelling "what the hell? Didn't I tell you _not _to calculate how much of my life was spent in an insane asylum?" would be better than not being able to see or hear anything at all, as was the case right there in that is, he couldn't until he finally heard the sound that broke the black barrier that only an angel can break. The beautiful voice had to come from an angel from above, sent to save him from doom."GET THE FUCK UP, YOU RETARD! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW THAT? JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL INJURED, FUCKED UP, AND SHITTY LOOKING DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SIT THERE LIKE AN IDIOT!"Yes. The beautiful sound of an angel.

*yami- Japanese for darkness

_**Serious**_

Beep. Beep. . Drip. . Tick. of the noises that softly surrounded him were unrecognizable. Nothing was recognizable. The sounds, his surrounding, and even who he was were all missing from his consciousness. Somehow, he had lost some vital information. But everything was dark, nothing was visible. And he knew he would never be able to find the answers until he could find his way out of the darkness. But he couldn't move. He found he could only think, almost as if only his brain was the only existing part of him, only his mind was still his own to control. And his mind had only one question in it: how did he get to the nothing-ness around him, and why? But he couldn't answer his own question._So he waited._He waited for what seemed an eternity, until finally, in the distance, he heard something slightly recognizable. Even though he could only make out little snippets, he was still able to make something out of the sounds, and that was a start._"I wonder … such a hand-…? When do … think he'll … up? Maybe if we … gave us ... he'll finally …?" "I'm not … about that, Millie. And are … said ... okay?""We won't know … we … if you want, I'll …"_The two voices suddenly grew quiet right before he felt an unrecognizable sensation flow into what had to have been his body. He couldn't tell what part of his body had been affected, but the sudden sensation jolted his eyes open, only for him to see… white?


	7. The Big Fat Gay Sketch Show part 1

I know, it's been a while since I've (Random-chan) had to write a warning and disclaimer note. But here we are.

Warning: Disturbing Content (hence the name of this story)

Disclaimer: our lives suck, so we don't own anything.

This wasn't a chapter where YuuYuu-chan and I write every other sentence. I wrote it, she edited it.

Also note that this is the first in a series of skits for our big gay sketch show series.

So now... Enjoy the show!

The Big Gay Sketch Show: Disturbing Content Edition  
-

Skit 1

Within a matter of minutes the set changed; the lights and wooden desk transforming into a large, green teenaged girl's bedroom. Fun theme music played that melodically repeated "Sweet Dreams!" until Random-chan walked onto the stage wearing a slim green dress and holding a mic with a large smile on her face. She placed herself in the upper left corner of the stage.

"Aren't sleepovers totally dreamy? Follow these tips to host a totally green slumber party! All you need is a place to sleep and a bunch of pink friends!"

All of a sudden, eight people suddenly ran onto the stage, seven of them squealing and the last one following and biting her nails. However, the strangest thing was that the seven squealers happened to be the Ouran High School Host Club, all with pink skin, long pink wigs, and green pajamas. And, of course, the last person, who was biting her fingernails, and also wearing green pajamas, was YuuYuu-chan.

Random-chan then continued. "Start the party by playing hairy games like stinky chairs, pin the tail on the YuuYuu-chan, and jumping-and-go-pooping."

YuuYuu-chan started hyperventilating as the seven others started running around the room, looking for the materials needed for the game and creating mass chaos. It only got worse as Mori set up hairy, stinky chairs to play with Hunny, Haruhi, and Kyouya, while the Hitachiin twins duct-taped a distressed YuuYuu-chan to the wall with gleeful smiles. They then blindfolded Tamaki, gave him a hairy piece of paper with a tack sticking through it, and let him play a rousing game of pin the tail on the YuuYuu-chan while giggling in the corner.

Once both groups had finished their activities, they all filed into the bathroom and played a quick game of jumping-and-go-pooping, which was wisely hidden from the audience's eyes. However, they could hear the Host Club Members' laughter alongside the sound of YuuYuu-chan's horrified screams and cries of 'STOP! THAT'S DISGUSTING!'

"The games will make you hungry, so have a delicious snack of cauliflower pizza, potato salad, and piping hot blood ready."

Suddenly, the Host Club Members ran out of the fake bathroom set and through yet another fake door. Just as fast as they ran through the door, they ran back to the bedroom, all carrying mugs of what seemed to be blood with trails of steam rising from the tops. Mori was holding several pizza boxes, while Hunny happily carried in a large container of potato salad.

While all of this happened, YuuYuu-chan crawled pathetically over to the corner and curled up into fatal position, starting to sob as the others sat down and ate their meals in record time.

"After you're full, unroll your vampire bunnies and braid each other's toes."

Which was exactly what everyone (besides YuuYuu-chan) did. They all pulled out their vampire bunnies (each with a stake through its heart), laid them out, and sat on them as they attempted to braid each other's toes. They horribly failed and eventually gave up trying. ("Hikaru, that hurts!" "I'm sorry, Kaoru. How about I make it up to you later?" "H-Hikaru...")

Meanwhile, YuuYuu-chan was still going through her panic attack. ("This isn't happening, this isn't happening.")

"Now it's movie time! Pop some villains in the microwave and enjoy the show."

Immediately, little cartoon villains were scampering all over the stage, randomly being plucked off the ground and into the mouths of the Host Club members. ("These have an interesting taste, Kyouya! Do all actors eat little, evil people?")

YuuYuu-chan began sobbing even harder as she was surrounded by the little demons that seemed to enjoy poking her with their little pitchforks.

"After the movie, tell spooky booger stories and play Truth or Dare. If anybody won't tell the truth, you could dare her to kiss a cat 7 times!"

As they sat in a circle, everyone's thoughts were filled with scary stories about boogers, while their noses were emptied of them. Kyouya also became very familiar with the taste of cat lips (and a little bit tongue.)

YuuYuu-chan went through yet another anxiety attack over the other's extreme stupidity (though she couldn't deny that she thought KyouyaxCat was kind of hot.)

"Now it's time to close your boobies and go to sleep. It might be hard to do, though, especially if one of your friends snores like a shitty, hairless cat."

The Host Club members made an attempt at closing their non-existent boobs and, once again, failed horribly, especially Haruhi, who couldn't seem to find a trace of these 'boobies' anywhere (for some reason, this made her happy. Huh.) Luckily, no one snored like a shitty, hairless cat.

However, YuuYuu-chan did sob like a shitty hairless cat for the whole 5-seconds that was presumed to be night.

"In the morning, your guests' lesbians will come by to take them home."

When everyone 'woke up', seven pairs of hot women walked in, each pair either holding hands, wrapping their arms around each other, making out, or a combo of the three. Naturally, all the Host Club members were highly aroused at the image, and they just couldn't seem to properly hide the fact. Mouths hanging open, drooling, rubbing themselves through their pants, and many other erotic reactions towards the sight were made.

YuuYuu-chan started rocking back and forth in her corner, chewing her nails, overwhelmed by the large amount of people in her fake room.

"Give each girl a goodie bag full of gay dudes so she will always remember your perverted party."

The lesbians filed out of the room, leaving space for the hot anime yaoi pairings to make out.

For the first time since the slumber party started, YuuYuu-chan unrolled from her ball in order to get a better look at some of her favorite yaoi pairings, fangirl squealing and nose bleeding the whole time.

But her joy was short-lived as the guests and their complimentary gay men filed out of the room as fast as the lesbians had also left.

Once all were gone, besides YuuYuu-chan, Random-chan sat down by the shocked girl.

"That sure looked like a fun sleepover. The whole thing. What was your-"

"Wait, are you saying you sat there and watched the whole time without doing anything to spare me from their insanity?"

Random-chan gave a small giggle and a nod of the head. "Why do you think it was so amusing? I live for the moments that torture you!" She then pulled out a larger version of the tiny demons' pitchforks, and gleefully stabbed YuuYuu-chan in the side, several times.

"S-shut up..." Whimpered a fallen YuuYuu-chan as a last attempt to save her non-existent dignity.

It didn't work.

END OF SKIT 1Skit 2

"The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze," Random-chan narrated from the far left side of a brand new set. "Kyouya strode along the path, making for Horny Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Enticing Bra, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Rear-end."

Suddenly Kyouya stepped onto the set in blue tights and a poofy top, accented with a feathered hat.

"A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his whoreish fuck box just in time to face the EXTREME man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled," Random-chan explained

The man struck huskily, and Kyouya barely raised his fuck box to meet the attack. They fought long and endearingly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Kyouya found himself forced to one knee, the man's fuck box pressed to his ravishing penis. "I am Mori of Horny Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Enticing Bra. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in the fuck box."

But Kyouya had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his fuck box with a twist, overpowered Mori and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Kyouya said, looking down upon him.

Mori's vagina shimmered like a shitcake which has only just bloomed. "I have underestimated you, Kyouya. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Kyouya's desire was enflamed. His penis throbbed and all his thoughts were to fuck Mori like a shitcake. Kyouya caressed Mori's fuckable vagina and he responded. They came together sexily, and their joining was as bootiful as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet tart!" Kyouya groaned and fucked Mori as pressingly as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Kyouya said. "That's where I put the Enticing Bra for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed rushingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their sexy love. "We will stay together forever," Mori said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Rear-end never got the Enticing Bra and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

YuuYuu-chan: Well, it's been a long time since we posted anything here, eh guys? We were just so busy with our personal lives. Or at least Random-chan was. I was just being really lazy and forgetful. But once I read this chapter, I remembered just how hilarious and fun it is to work on this. And I want you all to give lots and lots of kudos to Random-chan, 'cause she practically wrote the whole thing. And I'm going to let her explain about the creation of the skits because I'm lazy. Ciao.

Random-chan: Once upon a time Yuu-chan and I got bored. Well, upon times. We're always getting bored, so it would be wrong to imply that it's only happened once. Anyways, we got extremely bored, late at night (as usual), when we decided to try out this thing called the "Drabble Generator." Insert people and words and it'll turn it all into a small drabble. We inserted different characters and words, all of them getting more and more perverted and crazy with each drabble we generated. Then we had the ironically brilliant idea of taking these drabbles and making them our skits. So we copy/pasted and edited them, hence this chapter. Actually, Yuu-chan's right. We didn't copy/paste and edit. I did. As usual. Even though I have enough to do with SBO, yearbook, and basketball. So you better be damn proud of me.


End file.
